10 Great Relationship Principles I’ve Learned from John Maxwell – Part 1 of 2

By Dan Reiland

If you don’t invest in friendships, you may end up traveling through life alone. The encouraging truth is that great relationships are not that difficult. They require time, love and the willingness not always to get your way.

John Maxwell has been a great friend and mentor for over 35 years. I’m so grateful for his love, belief, and investment in me.

He has taught me so much about relationships over the years; I could fill a book. But for now, I’ll share just ten of my favorite principles with you.

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10 Great Relationship Principles:

1) We see people through our own lens.

Your self-awareness, self-esteem, and self-perception establish the foundation of all your relationships. The way you view yourself and the way you see life shapes how you see and relate to others.

Whether you see the cup as half full or half empty will transfer every time.

When you invest in yourself, your personal growth and maturity, your relationships will always improve.

2) People don’t care how much you know, till they know how much you care.

Caring about people isn’t automatic. Not everyone cares. I’m sure you’ve run into people along the way that it’s clear that they just don’t care.

You can’t learn to care, it’s not a skill, but you can decide to care. You can ask God to help you become more caring.

If you want to lead for the long-haul, it isn’t enough to be great at what you do. If you don’t sincerely care about people and live in such a way that you demonstrate it, your leadership will suffer.

People don’t care how much you know, till they know how much you care.

3) Listening from the heart changes things.

One of the greatest gifts you can give to anyone is to truly listen.

We are often in a hurry, there is so much to do, right? So, when you slow down for a minute or an hour and truly listen, you communicate that you value that person. It can be life-changing for them.

Listening from the heart requires the ability to make a soul level connection. You communicate empathy, interest and a desire to be helpful far more by listening than merely by your words.

4) Believing the best in people usually brings out the best of people.

Even a broken clock is right twice a day. Sorry, but I love that corny line because it’s true! What you look for you will find.

I was surprised one day when asked why pastors and people only say the good things about someone at their funeral. Why would you want to emphasize someone’s shortcomings?

We are all flawed and imperfect, but when someone calls out the best in us, we often rise to that higher standard.

5) People who are hurting hurt other people.

When the response to a situation is greater than the issue at hand, the real issue is always about something else. The wise leader learns how to get to the real issue.

People who are hurting don’t necessarily want to hurt people, but it’s like a lion with a thorn in his paw, he can’t help it. If we can help people take the thorn out, we can help them live better. In turn, if you are in a relationship with them, your life becomes better too.

*This article will continue in the next post.

Upper-level Vision

By Scott Armstrong

What is your passion? What gets you out of bed even on the bad days?

When I was a teen, I probably would have thought of such questions as irrelevant or even dumb.  I was driven to get good grades, but I was probably just as passionate about eating ice cream or playing basketball.

Although my youth pastor and many other speakers urged us to share our faith with our friends, I think I was mostly focused on trying to not look stupid – unsuccessfully, by the way.  I knew I should be passionate about winning my school and city for Christ, but I was actually much more excited about my baseball or football team winning it all.

More than two decades later, I’m in a different place.  Don’t get me wrong: I get pretty pumped about the Kansas City Royals finally winning some games, and I’m unequivocally passionate about slow-cooked, barbecue pork ribs.  But those things do not drive me.  There are two firecrackers that now wake me up every morning with an explosion louder than any alarm clock: Christ and his mission.  I am consumed by God and want everyone in this world to know Him!

Yet, even with those forces propelling me, why do I sometimes allow my focus to be so often on lesser things?

I recently heard the church planter Will Mancini talk about helping our churches to dream and plan big.  Mancini maintains that most church attendees are connected to the following:

  1. Place.  If you’ve ever tried to broach the possibility of moving church structures or allowing another congregation to use your facilities, you know the physical location is important to people.
  2. Personality.  The dynamism and the talents of many leaders attract and inspire.  When we feel most attuned to God and his kingdom, sometimes we are actually connecting with a certain leadership style or personality.  This is why members frequently leave a congregation when there is a change in leadership.
  3. Programs.  “They have a great children’s department.”  “I love singing in the choir.”  Programs help us and our families fit in and involve ourselves in ministry.
  4. People.  Think about five favorite friends that are part of your local church.  Praise the Lord for meaningful relationships like those!  At the same time, if those five people were to suddenly not be a part of the congregation, would that adversely change your attitude?

To clarify: none of these “connector categories” are bad at all.  Our facilities are a great blessing, and we would rather have charismatic, personable leaders than not!  A church with no programs at all is a virtual impossibility, and people loving people is the definition of Christian fellowship!  Nevertheless, I agree with Mancini when he says that all of these are lower-level visions.  None of these should be goals in themselves.  If we fail to move our focus beyond these four areas, we will never see upper-level multiplication dreams come to fruition in our churches.

That term: “upper-level dreams,” reminds us of a few upper rooms, does it not?

In one upper room we see in John 13 that Jesus takes the towel and basin and washes his disciples’ feet.  His time is short and he chooses this powerful means to “show them the full extent of his love” (v. 1).

The focus in that upper room? Service.  Love.  Christ.

Acts 2 tells us of another upper room.  Nearly two months later, the resurrected Jesus sends his Holy Spirit upon 120 of his followers and they are deployed into Jerusalem and the world with the multi-lingual message of repentance and hope.

The emphasis in that upper room? Unity.  Wind.  Mission.

You see, when we dwell in the upper room, we begin to have upper-level dreams.  We do not focus on the petty or trivial.  We are overcome with things of eternal significance.  Place, personality, programs, and people have their moments.  But what connects us and compels us in the day-to-day is the work of Jesus Christ in us, among us, and through us.

I spent my teenage years as a good Christian boy.  I liked church and I for the most part made good decisions.  But if I had to do it over again, I would get out of the lower level and start to dream upper-level dreams.

What about you? Is your focus on lesser things, or are you obsessed with Christ and his mission?!

May we hesitate no longer.  Let’s intentionally walk up the stairs to the upper room.